Back again!

Ok folks I've given up any hope of ever being a regular blogger, but I will do this more often going forward.
I'm finally embracing my love for the colour red. Today I coloured my hair red, and I have decided to behave more like a redhead- the more positive attributes that is, going forward.
Have a great sunday y'all

I need a good nite's sleep!

I'm 'returning' yet again. Did anyone ever go on a vacation with two preschool-age boys? The word vacation is an anomaly in this instance. I just returned from one and I'm fagged out and sleep-deprived! I need a vacation to recover from my 'vacation' with my kids! And now they're waking up and roaming around the house at odd hours cos their body clocks are yet to adjust to the 7-hr time difference so of course I have to get up and try to get them back into bed after I've probably only managed to get 90mins of sleep myself! This is almost as bad as having a new baby.
Ok, totally random posting, but just had the urge to 'return' to blogging tonite- so there it is!

Homecoming...

Havn't been in this space for a long while now so it is a homecoming of sorts. So many things have happened in my life since then. I quit my job in the company that I'd worked with for 8.5yrs and moved halfway across the continent, suffered through an unplanned pregnancy while trying to settle in, lost the pregnancy just when I was getting used to the idea, and yeah, went through the roughest patch ever in my marriage. It's not over yet, but I think we're on track to make this work.
Anyways, its my birthday today- what better time to return to my space!
I guess I'm something of a late bloomer. I'm 34 today and I'm finally beginning to get a feeling of 'self'. I've gone through life just going with the flow. I've always had pretty strong opinions about stuff, but I've never voiced them strongly. I stayed in the same comany for 8.5 yrs when it had stopped working for me at most 4yrs into my stay there. I've gone into and stayed in relationships longer than I should have simply because it was convenient, or I didnt have the nerve to break a heart. I've stayed out of a relationship I really wanted to be in because I was more concerned about feeding other people's prejudices than following my heart.
In the space of the last few weeks though, I've realized certain things: I've realized that i dont really have to make anybody happy but myself- and by that I dont mean be selfish, I mean that you're not obliged to live up to anybody's expectations of you except yours and that of whatever higher power you believe in. I've realized that I need to stand up for myself and not let people get away with treating me badly. I've realized that I have to express my feelings and get validation for them instead of bottling them up and feeling bad for feeling the way I do. I've realized that people don't miraculously know what my opinions are if I dont express them, that I might actually carry them to the grave with me if I'm too timid to express them or feel that they won't matter anyway. I've realized that in life one needs to take a leap of faith and hope to God you can fly, or at worst that there'll be something or someone to cushion your fall.
I'm gonna try to get as much living as I can into my remaining years, I'm no longer gonna be afraid to be me.
If, like me, you're a late bloomer- I hope you get to this point in your life real soon. If you're still young, you gotta take life by the horns and take what you want out of it.

Big Man, Big words

Ever read an interview granted by the Rev. Kris Okotie, or attended one of his services? I assure you all except the very few hardened professorial types would come away from the experience the same.
The man has a penchant for big, no, gargantuan words! Even the creators of the English language did not intend for all of those words to be used together in one sentence, or even in one speech session, lest the listeners go away with a migraine – which, more often than not, is what happens when you have an ‘encounter’ with the Rev.
Now let me say that I have absolutely nothing against the Rev., in fact I used to be a huge fan of his, little as I was, in his singing days. By the way, those days aren’t really over yet. He’s the lead singer in his church choir; the congregation is the rest of the choir. Plus he’s the progenitor of most of the songs that are sung in his church, with the resultant effect that a stranger or visitor to the church might actually be incapable of participating in one single singing session in the course of an entire service because none of the regular commonly known and compiled choruses (a la the Rev. Sunny Okosuns and other likeminded ‘gospel singers’) are sung in this assembly.
Reference a recent interview granted by the Reverend to one of the nation’s more prestigious newspapers. The occasion was the launching of a political association calling for our youth to be more politically savvy and to participate in governance in one form or the other. Now I’ve been told severally that I possess an above average command of the English language, and even I had cause to stop and ponder a number of times at the use of certain words. I assure that not a great percentage of present day Nigerian youths would have been able come away with a full understanding of the very important issues which he raised in the course of the interview. Particularly not in these days when there’s so much to distract our youth from the true purpose for which they’re sent to schools – secondary and tertiary. Distractions abound in the way of cultism, student or lecturer ‘unrests’, fuel scarcities, lack of accommodation and other facilities on campuses, etc etc. ‘Nuff said -This is a topic for another discourse altogether.
Today’s call is for the embrace of simplicity in communication. There’s enough risk of distortion from the other person’s perception, without the communicator complicating things further.
Even the good book admonishes religious leaders to be careful lest they lead their congregations into sin. I daresay, a distortion in communication, an error of understanding of the message – which is wont to happen in a situation like this – may constitute a ‘misdirection’ of whatever audience is being addressed.
When people do not understand a message they do one of two things – switch off from the message or messenger, or assume something and move on based on that assumption they have made. The latter is a potentially dangerous situation.
Communication has to be targeted at the potential audience and should therefore be presented in a manner that would be attractive, understandable and digestible by such an audience.
Ever heard of ‘He stoops to conquer’? Go to the level (by descending or ascending) of your audience and really reach them.
‘Simple’ words don’t necessarily mean a simple mind.

Of (over) indulged kids and (over) indulgent parents

We all work so hard and engage in that eternal struggle to increase our fortunes – why?
Well I’m sure there are a diverse number of specific reasons, but close to the top of everyone’s list would be a desire to give our kids the best that we possibly can.
The result of this has been, we all must admit, some degree of over-indulgence of our kids. Today’s average kids have, through no great effort on their part, everything that they want that their parents can afford.
Whatever happened to saving up or something? Or doing without something so you could have another that you agree is more important and useful to you?
This is not a call to deprive our kids of stuff, or to be killjoy parents. It is only a call for parents not to forget to impart unto their children; the invaluable lessons to be learnt from working hard to earn your stuff. We all know how much better people take care of stuff they’ve worked very hard, or have had to go without something else, to be able to acquire. Stuff that you get to easily just don’t mean that much to you – same way boys don’t value girls that are too ‘easy’, or you usually can tell whether someone is the original owner (the one who laid out the dough) of an expensive vehicle or not, by the way they drive and otherwise handle the vehicle.
Our kids also need to be made aware that there are other ‘worlds’ different from that within which they and their friends exist:
Worlds in which the kids can’t refuse to wear a particular outfit to Jackie’s party; because it’s the same one they wore to Tobi’s party three months ago (when it was all the rave and it simply had to be acquired in time for that party), because there just isn’t any other outfit in the wardrobe.
Worlds in which you can’t refuse your supper of beans and dodo because you would rather eat spaghetti tonight, because you’re just glad there’s something on the table.
Worlds in which you can’t get mad at Mum and Dad because they think a trip to the Safari in Kenya would be more beneficial for you this year than the trip to Euro Disney which you had planned with your friends, because you’ve never even had the opportunity to travel anywhere by road, how much more to some far-away exotic destination requiring air travel.
Today’s kids need to be taught to be a little less self-indulgent. They need to be taught to appreciate their station in life, and not abuse that station. Some of the ways this can be achieved are:

-Make them aware that there are others less privileged than they are – the occasional visit to a hospital or an orphanage or other similar place, where they can give away some of their own stuff, and see first hand how happy the recipients are to have their cast-offs.

-Make them earn luxuries. By all means parents must fulfill their responsibility of providing their kids with the essentials, even a few extras, but kids should work to earn all those other luxuries they have, so they know that that’s just what they are- luxuries. Work hard during the term and improve your math grade, then you can go on that holiday you want; otherwise you stay home and get tutoring during the holidays. Wash Daddy’s car every morning during the holidays and you can have the new sneakers you want (nothing wrong with the old pair except that there’s a new style out). Save up some of your pocket money so you can buy Grandma, or your friend, a present for their birthday (and get the satisfaction of giving something you bought or made through your own effort).
By all means do not bribe your kids, and do not make them believe that the only reason why they need to do any work around the house is just so they can get a reward – they should have their normal duties in the house anyway!

-Make them aware of the difference between ‘needs’ and ‘wants’. You need a new pair of sneakers when the old ones are tight and uncomfortable, or badly worn. You want that new type of fluorescent sneakers because you saw in the movies that that’s what all the kids abroad are wearing, and two of your friends already got theirs.

-Teach them to prioritize their needs and make choices. You want the BMX bicycle and a set of drums. You’re getting really good at your drumming- the lessons are paying off, and you’d like to be able to practice at home. Your friends all have the BMX bicycle and you’d like to ride with them. Do you want to make do with the practice you get at the music lessons so we buy the bike, or will you take turns with your friends to ride their bikes for this summer so we buy the drums. You can only get either of the two so your sister can also get her computer.

This really isn’t about the ability of the parents to afford all these objects of desire – you probably can, but the kids need to be taught how to balance their wants on a scale and prioritize; how going ahead with one course of action will inevitably affect the other course (opportunity cost?); how to balance their own desires against the desires of other members of the family.
I daresay we would be a much happier society if these values are taught at the appropriate place – the home, at the appropriate time – while the kids are still young and receptive.