Homecoming...

Havn't been in this space for a long while now so it is a homecoming of sorts. So many things have happened in my life since then. I quit my job in the company that I'd worked with for 8.5yrs and moved halfway across the continent, suffered through an unplanned pregnancy while trying to settle in, lost the pregnancy just when I was getting used to the idea, and yeah, went through the roughest patch ever in my marriage. It's not over yet, but I think we're on track to make this work.
Anyways, its my birthday today- what better time to return to my space!
I guess I'm something of a late bloomer. I'm 34 today and I'm finally beginning to get a feeling of 'self'. I've gone through life just going with the flow. I've always had pretty strong opinions about stuff, but I've never voiced them strongly. I stayed in the same comany for 8.5 yrs when it had stopped working for me at most 4yrs into my stay there. I've gone into and stayed in relationships longer than I should have simply because it was convenient, or I didnt have the nerve to break a heart. I've stayed out of a relationship I really wanted to be in because I was more concerned about feeding other people's prejudices than following my heart.
In the space of the last few weeks though, I've realized certain things: I've realized that i dont really have to make anybody happy but myself- and by that I dont mean be selfish, I mean that you're not obliged to live up to anybody's expectations of you except yours and that of whatever higher power you believe in. I've realized that I need to stand up for myself and not let people get away with treating me badly. I've realized that I have to express my feelings and get validation for them instead of bottling them up and feeling bad for feeling the way I do. I've realized that people don't miraculously know what my opinions are if I dont express them, that I might actually carry them to the grave with me if I'm too timid to express them or feel that they won't matter anyway. I've realized that in life one needs to take a leap of faith and hope to God you can fly, or at worst that there'll be something or someone to cushion your fall.
I'm gonna try to get as much living as I can into my remaining years, I'm no longer gonna be afraid to be me.
If, like me, you're a late bloomer- I hope you get to this point in your life real soon. If you're still young, you gotta take life by the horns and take what you want out of it.